That evening, Lucy was hunting for bugs in the garden when the gorgeous stray Hatbox strolled by.

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Lucy went immediately to her.

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Hatbox immediately piled on the charm in the hopes of a treat, or better yet, adoption.

Lucy: Ooooh, it’s my birthday in a couple days and I want you as my present! Can you come back-

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Hatbox: Come back? Look at me, wasted away to practically nothing! Banished and exiled and practically starving!

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L: OK, wait here and I’ll ask my dad. I love you already!

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H: :3

Lucy: Dad, why did mom go upstairs without saying goodnight?

John: Don’t worry about it, cupcake. You did a good job tonight, speaking up for yourself. Mom just wants you to have the best future you can. Sometimes we have to stop being silly for a while, and get things done.

L: But not right now, right?

J: Absolutely not right now. Right now is for giving my best little pudding pop a big squeeze!

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Korey: I have some reservations about your daughter’s… spirited disposition, Mrs Burb, but congratulations. Lucy is officially welcomed into Pleasantview Private. Funds payable right away; there’s no refunds.

Jennifer: Thank you, Mr Jitmakusol! I guarantee you’ll see Lucy apply herself right away!

Lucy: LILITH IT WORKED I GOT IN

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Korey: As you know, Pleasantview Private runs a flexible yet challenging program, finely tailored to each student so that he, or she, may reach his or her full academic potential. 

Jennifer: It sounds marvelous, and is so important to us for Lucy’s future.

John: Is there a volleyball program?

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K: Naturally, we could not keep up such a high standard- indeed, our last report suggests 99.9% of our students go on to tertiary studies- without sufficient resourcing. Is this family financially equipped to spare no expense in funding Lucy’s education?

Je: Absolutely, Mr Jitmakusol! Lucy’s education has been our first financial priority since before she was even conceived.

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Lucy: What is this baloney, dad? We don’t have any money…

Jo: Ssssh hon, she has your best interests at heart.

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L: Mom, what’s a third mortgage?

Jo: Oh no…

K: *chokes on mac and cheese*

Je: Clearly something you heard about at school, Lucy. Honestly, the riff-raff in the public system…

L: You were talking about one this morning before you called his school.

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Je: You misheard me-

K: Ma’am, is this true?

L: Facts only at this table, please.

As the first order of Burb Business, Jen and John attempt to get Lucy into private school.

John: Welcome to our home, sir. I’m John, Lucy’s dad.

Korey: Headmaster Korey Jitmakusol.

Jo: How do you spell that lol

Jennifer: Mr Jitmakusol, I’m Jennifer. Excuse my business suit, I’ve been snowed under at the office and only just made it home in time.

K: No apology required. It’s a particularly lovely shade on you, Mrs Burb. Now, where’s Lucy?

Je: Oh, just over there, she’s just getting on the phone to call her local councilor about the state of that horrid lake in Woodlands Park. Quite the environmentalist, our little girl. Always thinking about the fishes.

K: That’s a noble and impressive agenda for one so young.

Je: Yes, we’re so proud.

Lucy: *picks up the phone* I sure hope Lilith goes along with this.