Uncategorized – Page 10

Cassandra’s fall makeover.

A promotion, a social life… I’m doing this, Cassandra thought. I’m really doing this.

Ben: So you mixed the components, and then what happened?

Cassandra: Ordinarily when you make glue, first you need to thermoset your resin and then, after it cools, you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and, it turns out, I was right.

Be: Wow, you sure are brilliant, Cassie.

Ca: Well, thanks.

Brandi: Hey Ben, since Christy’s not around, how about-

Be: Hey, can’t you see I’m talking to Cassie? Bug off!

Be: You were saying, Cassie?

C: Well that was kind of heavy handed.

The next evening, freshly promoted (thanks to Ben), Cassandra invites some of the neighbours in for dinner.

OK, so it was just an excuse to see Ben again, and the others just made it less awkward.

Ben: Cheers to Cassie, Pleasantview’s premier Inventor!

Brandi: Is there any more dressing? This salad is dry.

Abhijeet: What’s for dessert?

Antonio: Well well, Cassandra Goth. The freshly single Cassandra Goth. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Antonio Bow, and I’d very much like to get to know you ~~and your old money~~.

Cassandra: And I’d very much like to punch you in your stupid dollar-store Don lookalike face! Leave me alone.

A: But I’m Mr. Big!

C: Not from where I’m standing, you’re not.

Dina: HAHAHA I’m still laughing at Don being saddled with an MPREG storyli- oh shiiiiiiiit!

Cassandra: Wait, WHAT, Dina?

D: Don gave birth to twins last night and- wow, I’m like a faucet tonight, when will this stop?

C: I’ll clean it up in exchange for you telling me more. Don’t worry, nobody needs to know about this.

Myrtle: Are you bitches kidding? I am eternal and I’ll be sure to tell Blondie’s great-great-great-great-great grandchildren that she pissed like a racehorse at this refined art gallery and porno theatre.

D: *frantic wailing*

Jeepers, Goopy and the bowling shirt downtownie (thanks, defaults) were autonomously insatiable for each other. Thanks for nothing, ACR.

Darren: Feeling better?

Cassandra: A little, thanks. It’s been a rough week.

Da: I’m always here for you.

C: Uh huh.

Dirk: Oh, yusssss! Alien Blood Sucker IV! Just don’t tell Lilith I’m seeing it without her, mmmkay?

Darren: Well, since I skipped Alien Blood Sucker parts one through three, I might go check out some actual art.

C: So, what’s this one about?

Di: It’s the continued story of these aliens who land in a sim-inhabited planet and proceed to-

C: Suck blood?

Di: Yeah!! I love it!

Da: Oh, excuse me, ma’am.

Myrtle: Don’t mind me. I’m here for the porn.

Da: Oh no, this film has lots of blood sucking, limbs being devoured, etc.

M: What’s your point?

🎵

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’all’s neighborhood

🎵

Promptly at 6.01, Darren invited Cassie on an outing downtown. She’d had enough socialising for one day, but she ignores her instincts and says yes.

It starts really well.

Darren: Umm, we’ll just… meet you inside?

Taking a deep breath, Cassandra opened the gate and headed to the noise in the courtyard, where her neighbours were grilling burgers and spending far too much time on the swingsets.

Goopy: As my eyes deceive me, Cassandra Goth? What are you doing here, checking the building for roaches or something?

Landlord: HEY!

Cassandra: Actually, I just moved in.

G: Shut up. Why?

C: Personal reasons.

G: But you’re engaged to Don Lothario!

C: That’s… in the past.

G: Holy shit, Don’s single?

Shut. Up.

I mean, sorry girl, but that’s the best news I’ve heard all day.

C: You’re welcome to him.

G: Don’t I fuckin’ know it.

Benjamin: Hi, Cassie, I’m Benjamin. May I call you Cassie?

C: I guess so. Hi, Benjamin.

B: Call me Ben.

C: Is that your girlfriend screeching at the landlord?

B: Haha no, that’s my- our- neighbour, Christy. We’re just frien-

G: Don’t be coy, Benji. Christy has stressed an open vagina policy to you and you know it. Haven’t you, Christy?

Christy: